The Shattering of Loss

I have been shattered before.  I remember this feeling. This aimless wandering around my house, not sure what to do next. The holding my daughter close and smelling her hair and being at once comforted and afraid. The explaining to my son that it is okay to actually feel something about this, that the pasted smile on his face doesn’t have to stay, the joke at the ready can remain unspoken. Worrying that the weight of this will mark them in a way I cannot prevent or erase. Worrying that…

Read More

5 Things I Learned Supporting My Best Friend Through Divorce

My best friend of a decade is going through a divorce. She has three young children and ending the marriage was not her choice. She is a woman who is strong, brave, and who puts the well-being of her children first. I am constantly amazed by her. I want to punch her ex in the face, but she can be friendly with him, involves him in the important events, and even has family meals with him. It’s impressive. However, as I look at her, being strong and mature, I also…

Read More

How We Grieve Without Losing Our Way

I spent the weekend nursing my children’s wounds.  Not new wounds—although Lottie did catch her finger in a door and Caden stepped on a tack.  This weekend I nursed the old grief that surfaces every now and again. Our social media highlight reel paints a picture of fun family time spent together this weekend.  We ran the Jingle Jog 5K, planted bulbs, and debuted one of our Nutcrackers (with two ballerinas in the family, one Nutcracker a holiday season isn’t enough).  The kids finished their homework and did their chores….

Read More

Everything Does NOT Happen for a Reason

I’ve heard all the platitudes since becoming the mom of a child with special needs. Whether it’s “God never gives you more than you can handle,” or “God only gives special kids to special parents,” or my personal favorite, “Everything happens for a reason.” Well, I’m here to tell you that they all suck. I totally get that people are just trying to say something comforting, and the good angel on one shoulder wants me to keep smiling politely and say, “Thank you” like a good girl to keep the…

Read More

Is a Marriage Without Chemistry Worth It?

My husband and I are celebrating our fourteenth wedding anniversary. And by “celebrating” I mean he’s in bed with the man-flu, and I ate Chinese food with the kids. It’s a good metaphor for this last year of our marriage. We haven’t been on the same page for a while, and it’s starting to take its toll. Marriage is not easy for me. I’m an independent woman who also needs to be needed and appreciated. (I’m complex like that.) I thrive on social interactions. I enjoy talking about nothing and…

Read More