I thought that as an adult, I was done with panic attacks. I was cocky, hadn’t had one in years, I was so obviously over them. But when your life is somehow upended, the dormant ways float back to the surface.
With six kids, I got caught up in the day to day of family life. It’s easy to do. But when I forgot to love my husband, I realized my mistake.
The two experiences in my life that have shown me that I am stronger than I think am: childbirth and divorce. And when you think about it, those two processes have a lot of similarities.
While I am no expert, and still have a lot of growth to do, here is a list of things I’ve learned while grieving for my mother that changed everything for me along the way.
When I was a kid it never occurred to me that anyone wouldn’t like hugs, or that many folks don’t always hug and kiss hello and goodbye.
My father is an abusive alcoholic. I am determined to ensure that my children have a completely different childhood from the one I had.
I sound like a broken record, even to myself. But what is my alternative? I need to teach my children how to speak to me so I can hear them.
We didn’t have a fight. Not even a heated argument. I wondered what I did to hurt her, but I was at a total loss as to what it was.
My mom was the type of woman who exuded class. She got up every morning and went through the ritual of “getting ready” even when we had no plans to leave the house.
Saying goodnight to my daughter is always, um, an adventure.
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“Come,” the face said. “Let me help you break free of this average life. Let me help you find your joy by throwing away half your stuff.”
My children take melatonin. Every. Single. Night. We refer to their nightly doses as their “meds.” As in, “Are you ready to brush your teeth, or do you still need your meds?”
Dear last child of mine, You are the last baby I will hold, the last baby whose soft body I will smell, the last one I will feed and comfort at night.
We made it: we survived. Fifteen years married. Three kids, countless diapers, everything couples do to build a life. And we made it.