Before my babies came along I spent an amazing year as a yoga bunny. I religiously practiced no less than five, but usually six days a week. My body, my skin, my life was transformed in that year. That year I let go of a lot of crap that was weighing me down, emotionally and physically. I moved and grew in ways I had never even considered. That year I met my soul mate. By the end of that year we were on the road to parenthood.
All of which is to illustrate my belief that yoga, Bikram Yoga in particular, changed my life.
Unfortunately my pregnant body couldn’t take the heat, and what with work and commuting and motherhood and another pregnancy…yoga was always last on my list. I dipped my toes back in the yoga waters off and on, but really only made it back to the practice last spring.
Naturally, five years later I’m almost forty and my body is not what it was before. Let’s just say my lower abs are not ready to rock. I have back, foot and hip pain, I don’t have a gall bladder, I have two rebuilt knees and oh yeah, I had two babies cut out of me in the space of two years…Whatever. All are just reasons to give my body what it wants.
My Body Wants Yoga
My body wants yoga. In a seriously, stupidly hot room.
It wants 26 yoga postures, the same way every day, in a room that is literally 105 degrees and like 40% humidity. It wants Bikram Yoga.
I know, it sounds crazy. It is. There is a method behind the madness.
Some of the postures are harder than others, of course. For many Camel pose can be the most challenging. That it’s what we build up to the whole class. Not me. For my money, no – for my body – it is Rabbit Pose.
Once I unlocked the mystery of this pose, it quickly became my favorite. The whole class I am focused on getting there. It must be obvious, because recently a teacher asked if I felt safe in the position.
Safe? No. It is easy to fall over. Close your eyes & lose your balance or lose your grip and you topple like a domino.
I do feel secure, however.
I AM the Sassy Rabbit Rockstar
Secure that after twenty three postures, IF I have mastered my balance, my joints are lose and flexible, my body and mind are all in alignment, AND I get a good grip, THEN my body curls in on itself and I feel like I am THE Sassy Rabbit Rockstar.
I can feel the truth that Rabbit releases issues with taking on responsibility for the happiness of others. As a mother/ wife/ daughter/ friend I’ve always looked to make everyone happy. But Rabbit is an amazing hug that instantly makes me feel at ease.
It is compressing and also opening. It is turning in and pulling deeply and extending yourself all at once. Eyes open in the darkness of my body surrounding me.
“You were like a statue – Competition worthy… Beautiful. Really beautiful. Just gorgeous… “
To be acknowledged in that position is to be seen in a moment that is so solitary. Such a beautiful place for me already, to be seen in that moment is blissful. Like the unsolicited hugs and kisses from my toddlers.
Joy and love and self.
This post originally appeared on Mother of Serendipity. Reprinted with permission.
