Skip to content

I Went Off My Medication…and I’m Not Doing Well

I finally went off my medication after months of wanting to wean. I have longed to be free from the medication, but I don't know if I can make it.

A few months ago I decided to wean off of my antidepressants, and I believed that was the best choice for me. So I started the process and weaned off, as slow as a snail.

I have been medication free for two weeks, and I am not my best self. I am just surviving from hour to hour, each day. Some hours are beautiful and full of fun and life. But others are difficult and raw, and I cannot seem to manage things when they get tough.

I have been open about going off of my medication recently, and I feel like perhaps I have misled people. I have been meditating daily, praying lots, practicing yoga, trying to be mindful and zen in all things. But in the end, that’s not been enough. I can be calm for 90% of the day, but that 10% of the day where I am not in control is just too much, especially in this stage of life.

It feels like I am racing to calm, constantly trying to perfect different practices in order to manage my anxiety.

I have been rationalizing how difficult life has been. It’s circumstances. This too shall pass. I just need to eat better. I just need to sleep more. I just, I just, I just.

I have longed to be free from the medication because I have felt like it was weighing me down. But I’m starting to shift my mindset a bit.

This life is a journey. When I decided to go on medication when I was pregnant, I said yes to my health and the health of my baby.

When I decided to go off of my medication, I decided to test the waters a bit. I am so proud of myself and all that I endured. But I am equally proud of myself for recognizing quickly that no, this is not working for me.

This summer my girls will be home, and I will be with them for many hours each day. I want to really soak up this time, and be the best version of myself. I thought that meant medication-free, but I don’t actually think that’s true.

Today I cried and grieved the fact that my hopes to be med-free didn’t work out. It’s okay to cry about these things. I called the doctor, and asked to be seen as soon as possible. As soon as possible is Wednesday. Despite being in distress I was never offered a helpline number, and I am very disappointed in Canadian healthcare and the training of their receptionists.

Luckily I have really good support and I know the number to call if things become too much.

I need to share this because I believe there are people out there that are not reaching out because of shame, lack of support, or familial indoctrination that is anti-mental wellness, anti-medication, anti-help.

I am here with you. In the thick of it. This is really hard and it really sucks. But you are not alone. I am not alone. And help is available.

For help in crisis you can find information and helplines here:

This post originally appeared on Brianna Bell Writes. It has been reprinted with permission.

Brianna Bell is a Canadian writer, wife, and mom of three daughters. She has written for over thirty print and digital publications, including Scary Mommy, The Globe & Mail, and Chicken Soup for the Soul. You can find her on Facebook.


Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on pinterest
Share on linkedin

Follow Us!

Most Popular

Get The Latest Updates

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

No spam, notifications only about new posts, videos and fun!

On Key

Recent Posts

Premature Anxiety: Out Too Soon

We may have been safe, but we were not unscathed. I felt the potential catastrophes around each corner. And in the shadows lurked the great What Ifs. The Could Have Beens packed themselves into each crack of my surface.Continue Reading

Copyright © 2022 RealityMoms
Site Design AGW Knapper