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Elly Lonon

Elly Lonon

A member of the Liberal Elite herself, Elly is still recovering from growing up in a Red State. Born and raised in North Carolina, she moved to Manhattan for graduate school and to pursue a career in the music business. Weary from consistent marginalization by the patriarchy, she left both the industry and NYC, opting to work for a not-for-profit and moving to the suburbs of Jersey where living near a Superfund site promptly gave her cancer. Once in remission, she read far too many self-help books, learned to embrace life and abandoned her previous career to write and procreate. For more information visit You can find her on Facebook and Twitter or catch her Ukelele Fridays on YouTube.

When There’s Hate, Remember Love is Stronger

“Hate isn’t new,” he calmly stated. “Cameras are new. This has always happened. And it’s always been wrong. But now more people know about it. More people see it happening. It empowers us to...

The Real Reason We Want All Our Friends to Have Kids

I wanted Keri to have kids. Now. This very second. And for her kids to have the exact same napping schedule as mine.

Dear 29-Year-Old Me

Good job on your twenties! You’ve made some bold and brave decisions. Even better, you’ve had some spectacular failures and learned so many things.

5 Reasons Whole Foods is a Mom’s Best Friend

My trips to Whole Foods border on religious experiences, even with kids. Especially the moisturizers made from the hooves of free-range pygmy unicorns.

Mom’s Day Off

She leapt from the shower, cheeks flushed from excitement and warm water. “Why stop with clean hair?” she asked the woman grinning back at her in the hazy mirror. She reached for her mascara...

Babies Provide a Horrible ROI

There’s a business and accounting acronym that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately—ROI (or Return on Investment). I’m a trained accountant, you see. Which is not the same as a practicing accountant. That...
not my pre-baby body

The Luxury Of Not Giving A Damn

In my relatively firm 20s, I wasn’t one to spend hours at the gym and then stare at my naked body in the mirror looking for “problem areas.” Not that I don’t have them....