29 Things I’ve Learned While Grieving for My Mother

I spend a decent amount of my time writing about grief, mostly because my life has changed so drastically since my mother died three years ago. Her death opened my eyes to life, living, and how much of my life I kept dormant inside me. While the pandemic has taken many of us down a scared and fearful path, I spent my time at home diving deep into my own healing journey. By releasing the ghosts and traumas of my past, and accepting myself for who I truly am, I am finally moving forward into the life I’ve always deserved to live. A life full of truth, vulnerability, undeniable love, and real happy tears kinda happiness. A life you deserve to live too. While I am no expert, and still have a lot of growth to do, here is a list of things I’ve learned while grieving for my mother that changed everything for me along the way. Hopefully now you can benefit from some of them too.

  1. Just because someone is family, doesn’t mean they can treat you like shit.
  2. You can create your own family, it can look however you need it to look.
  3. Treat people with kindness, you have no idea the struggles people have in their lives.
  4. Intentions don’t matter, impact matters.
  5. If you wouldn’t go to someone for advice, it doesn’t matter what they think.
  6. It is okay to remove people from your life if they’re causing you to suffer in any way.
  7. You are not too loud, too emotional, nor can you ever take up too much space.
  8. When you find your people, they will love you for it.
  9. People with vulvas should have more orgasms, if you don’t, or *can’t*, buy a vibrator.
  10. If someone makes you feel small, let them go.
  11. Trust is easily broken and almost impossible to repair.
  12. Children have big feelings and struggle just as adults do, don’t expect any different. Allow them to feel.
  13. If you are sick, don’t be around other people, otherwise you’re an asshole.
  14. Marriages end, and that’s okay. It’s just a part of your story.
  15. Ain’t nothing wrong with taking medicine to support your mental health.
  16. Find a good therapist. Therapy is something everyone and their dog should have.
  17. It’s never too late to find out who you truly are, what you need, and live the life you want. You deserve happiness too. Don’t settle.
  18. Wear clothes that fit your body NOW, and donate what doesn’t. Don’t let those jeans from 347 years ago haunt you anymore.
  19. People come into our lives when we need them, but some friendships end, and that’s okay too.
  20. Your person will love you exactly as you are.
  21. Alcohol can be just as harmful as illegal drugs.
  22. If someone does the same thing over and over again, listen.
  23. Your body size is the least exciting thing about you.
  24. If your health feels off, see a doctor. If the doctor doesn’t listen, find a new one.
  25. Death is the one thing we all experience but no one is ever prepared for.
  26. We all make mistakes, what’s important is how we grow from them.
  27. It’s okay to ask for help.
  28. LOVE is LOVE – it’s never too late to live your truth.
  29. You are not alone. You are worthy. You are enough.

Britney Longarzo is the mama of 3 kiddos, a birth doula, and can usually be found wrapped in a cozy robe (even in the summer). Britney writes about all things #momlife on her blog, Birth Boobs and Babies. She has also been featured on Her View From Home, Scary Mommy and Pregnant Chicken. You can follow her on Facebook and on her website Birth, Boobs and Babies.

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