So you’re reading this to work out what you’re going to buy your Valentine… and the answer is… nothing!
That’s right, buy them nothing! I’m going to tell you what you can give your partner that is much more valuable than anything you could buy.
Have you heard the saying Your Presence is the Best Present? How often do you really give your full attention to your partner with no distractions?
No checking your cell phone, no TV on in the background, no shushing the children – just your unwavering attention?
Unfortunately, sometimes we can be the least present in our most important relationships.
So while it might actually be easier to buy a box of chocolates, Ringo Starr sang it best “money can’t buy me love” (if the Beatles said it, we know it must be true!).
The single most important thing we can give our partner on Valentine’s Day is our full attention, our presence. To really be with them, to listen intently, to communicate and connect on a deeper level than we might do day to day.
I’m going to give you 4 Hot Tips on how to be the most present partner ever, and your night will be so memorable you’ll knock their Valentines Socks off! (you know, the socks with the hearts on them you bought last Valentine’s Day!)
Turn off your phone
Yes, for the whole night! Curb your phone addiction, turn off those electronics just for one night, come on, you can do it!
Being distracted by our phone is a huge killer of intimacy, so this one action will make a huge impact on the enjoyment of your night. If you’re freaking out thinking, “I feel naked without my phone!” just notice the feelings that come up. It may feel vulnerable for you to give your full attention to your partner and if you’re not familiar with these feelings, it may actually feel kind of uncomfortable. This just makes this gift all the more valuable to your partner. Just be with the feelings and use that space to try one of the other tips I’ve listed to inject magic into your Valentines celebration and to improve your relationship long term if you keep practicing them.
Ask your partner questions that you’ve never asked before or don’t normally ask. This will help you learn more about your partner and bring you closer together. They will love that you even asked these questions let alone listened intently to the answers 😉
If you want bonus points, write them out on cute cards in advance and take turns asking each other.
Here are some conversation starter suggestions:
- What’s your favorite childhood memory?
- Who was your favorite teacher in elementary school?
- If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
- Tell me a secret that you’ve never told anyone! Even if it’s silly.
- What are your sexy fantasies?
- Which celebrity or sports person do you admire most and why?
You get the idea.
Play bonding games
Play is a natural way to connect with others. When we have fun and enjoy experiences with each other we naturally feel closer. And isn’t that the point of Valentines Day? To celebrate our love and feel closer? Yes! These games are so simple and fun! If it feels a bit lame or you make mistakes, laugh along together, because laughter is also a great way to connect.
Here are some ideas for games you can play:
- Trust-Don’t Fall: you know the one where one person stands behind the other and the one behind catches them? Try that. There’s also a more advanced version if you’re up for it? You have advanced to the next level: Find a wide open space, like a park. One person closes their eyes while the other person gives them verbal instructions to move about in the space. Eg. “walk straight ahead… now run… now slow down… now turn left…” and so on.
- Eye Gazing: sit down comfortably facing each other and stare into each other’s eyes for a set amount of time. Set a timer and try to last the whole time. Be present, and just keep connecting with your partner even through any emotions that may arise (laughter or tears). Couples who do this usually feel an instant boost in intimacy as if they are seeing their partner for the first time again.
Give up your “grumpies”
This one is really simple…leave your grumpies at home! Make a point to be positive all night and don’t bring up any grievances, not even one tiny little sly comment disguised as a joke. Say yes to whatever your partner wants to do, be easy going and choose love over being “right”. It’s Valentine’s Day after all! It’s all about the LOVE!
So ditch that phone, get a sitter or put your kids to bed early, wrap yourself up in presence and get ready for a special night that you’ll remember forever! Even cupid will be jealous!
Laurie-Anne King is wife, relationship coach and energy healer. You can find more information on her website.