Coparenting After Divorce: Learning To Coparent Alone

The word coparenting is a lie, really. Coparenting is generally defined as a parenting situation where two or more adults work together to raise a child even though they are not necessarily the biological parents, living together or in a romantic relationship. This implies a kind of rosy glow over the group and kindly includes stepparents and others as well. But, in my experience, coparenting doesn’t always mean two people working together. In our house, for a long time, coparenting meant one person working alone.

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Where the Hell is My Village?

I often remind myself of the wise African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child.” I repeat this when I am late in the mornings getting my boys to school, when we are arguing in the checkout line at the store (because they just HAVE to have the gum-candy-shitty-toy hanging in their faces) and when we are trying to do the bedtime routine, which usually ends with mommy yelling something along the lines of, “Brush your teeth and don’t you dare brush one tooth at a time like…

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What It Really Means to Love “Like a Mother”

She stands in the kitchen looking at me. Her hair is stringy and needs to be brushed. She’s shifting from side to side uncomfortably, unsure of what I’m doing there or what to say. Her brother overdosed last night. Her mother is my good friend, and the swirling vortex of grief and community sucked me into her kitchen, stocking the refrigerator and tidying the counters because that feels like something when there’s nothing. “I don’t know how to make lasagna,” she says, glancing at the pan I’m sliding into the…

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How Much Longer?

Being an adult and doing all-the-adulty-things can be really hard. Being a parent and doing all-the-parenty-things can also be really hard. When you combine these things with the challenges that exist when you have a toddler and a baby, tensions rise as quickly as patience falls. The result is inevitably an explosion of some kind. In our house, the verbal shrapnel after an explosion can be found strewn across the room and embedded into the plastic toys and books littering the floor. On a particularly hard week wherein the baby…

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Gym Clothes and Participation Trophies

Recently my daughter forgot her gym clothes. I know. Tweens and their irresponsibility. Except, she mentioned all weekend that she needed to do her laundry. She’s 12 and part of her household chores is managing the washing, drying, folding and putting away of her clothing. She mentioned it a few times, and in each instance I replied: “Okay, no problem. You can do it as soon as I switch my stuff out.” “Do you want me to move it?” she asked. “No, no. I want to make sure everything is…

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