The Reason Grief Feels Eternal

Even though it’s been twenty-seven years since my firstborn’s arrival into this world, I remember how eternal those weeks following his birth were. Like many moms do, I swayed in the rocker at the foot of the crib we’d so lovingly adorned the nursery with. I twisted the dial on the bed chamber’s musical mobile and awaited its soothing melodies. I scheduled the routine, eight-week, post-surgical follow-up. And I cried. And I cried. And I cried. Leaving the hospital without the child I’d carried for nine long months was minuscule compared to…

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The Shattering of Loss

I have been shattered before.  I remember this feeling. This aimless wandering around my house, not sure what to do next. The holding my daughter close and smelling her hair and being at once comforted and afraid. The explaining to my son that it is okay to actually feel something about this, that the pasted smile on his face doesn’t have to stay, the joke at the ready can remain unspoken. Worrying that the weight of this will mark them in a way I cannot prevent or erase. Worrying that…

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Mother’s Day Sucks

Mother’s Day sucks. There, I said it! I fully admit it. It shouldn’t. I’m the proud and lucky mom of two great kids, a girl, 10, and a boy, 4. They are my life, my joy, and I couldn’t imagine my world without them. But see, I belong to this club, the one that no one ever wants to be a part of. I’m a card-carrying member of the “my mother is dead and it sucks club.” There are many of us, and aside from that first few days of…

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