Yes, I know you have invited me out for drinks with the group every Friday for the past month. Yes, I have had a different excuse every week why I can’t join you. But please don’t stop asking.
Since I became a mom, I’ve been a little (okay a lot) absent.
I can’t remember the last time we went out and did something, and it’s definitely not from a lack of trying on your part. I’m just always so busy, or at least that’s what I keep telling you. The truth is that I just can’t stretch myself any thinner than I already am. Being a new mom is an emotional challenge, as soon as I get the hang of one phase, a new one starts. Finding time for my relationship with my husband amidst being a mom is hard, and I’m often left feeling guilty that he’s getting what’s left of me after I’m done being a mom and employee for the day. Trust me, there’s not much left at that point.
I’m also trying to be a full-time employee. I used to be the employee getting to work early, staying late and going the extra mile on projects. Now I run in at the last minute, possibly with spit-up on me, and I’m always the first out the door at the end of the day. The time in between is spent trying to get everything done, so I don’t look like I’m slacking, all the while, chugging coffee (or another form of caffeine) in an attempt to stay awake and somewhat focused.
When I get home, I’m greeted with an excited welcome from my child which makes me feel guilty I left all day to go to work and get some adult conversation. I have limited hours to spend with my tiny human before his bedtime. Then I still have housework, eating, seeing my husband and maybe even a workout to fit in all before falling into bed so I can do it all again the next day.
I feel like I’m a hot mess that the pre-mom me wouldn’t even recognize.
However, I must be pulling off a somewhat decent charade of having it together because here you are inviting me yet again. I know it hurts you when I say I’m busy; it hurts me too. However, I can’t muster the energy to deal with the mom guilt that will come if I choose an evening with you instead of my baby and hubby.
I promise it won’t always be like this. Someday my baby will get older and have friends he will go do things with. I will reach a point when I have more time to myself and maybe even some energy again. My biggest fear is that by the time that happens, you will have given up on me.
Please don’t give up. Please keep asking. I’m not saying no to you and our friendship; I’m saying I’m overwhelmed and just trying to keep my head above water. As hard as it is on both of us every time I say I can’t come, please don’t stop inviting me.