No Regrets: You Need To Live Your Motherhood Your Way

“Stop telling me that my damn kid is going to grow up fast and I’m going to miss this stage!”

I actually used to scream that in my head when someone I met with my new baby or toddler told me that I should just ’embrace it,’ ‘love it,’ or ‘cherish it,’ or ‘you name it’ because one of these days they will be grown and I’ll look back and regret that I wished it away.

I remember being two seconds from lashing out at a woman in the grocery store line. She saw me struggle and proceeded to tell me four times that I needed to pick my baby up and love him forever. I was late getting somewhere because I had to pick up formula. I had to buy formula and this woman pounced on me with all of the regrets I’ll have one day.

Of course, she’s probably someone’s mother and probably has this regret and is lashing it out to me. Breathe. Deeply. As I was picking up his car seat from the top of the shopping cart, the final thing she told me was to “carry my baby. That I would miss every second of it one day and I’d better embrace them now.”

GO. AWAY.

That is the last thing I wanted to admit to that day. I hated my life in that stage and hated the people who shamed me for feeling the way I was feeling. No one is ever allowed to take your power away. To make you feel less than and that your feelings are selfish and should be focused on your baby.

I totally call bullshit on that one. You should NEVER have to sit through someone else and their own guilt in motherhood. Even if it is your own mother trying to tell you how to mother. You are your OWN mother! Run your mothership the way you need it to run. We have to give ourselves permission to feel all the feels about the pain life is in early parenting.

We have to give ourselves permission to feel all the feels about the pain life is in early parenting.

Remember carting that bucket seat all over the place? Remember trying to get close to the door of a store on a rainy day so you don’t get you and your baby soaked? Remember trying to get through a store and your baby has a massive blowout that you have to stop and clean it. Or even better. Let it sit in there till you get home! If your baby is not freaking out from sitting in it, give yourself permission to live life on YOUR terms and no one else has the right to shove their terms onto you.

This is the hardest job in the world. And it doesn’t pay a thing! We give up so many hopes and dreams that we created for ourselves in our young adult life when becoming a mother. It doesn’t have to be that way though! You don’t have to hide in a closet with your crying baby and feel the overwhelming power of having to cherish the stage your little demon is in! It legit sucks! There is no sugar coating it. The first nearly five years you have to be at their beck and call.

But just like that lady? I can assure you for me, it did get easier. However, the problems shift from crazy, over the top, infant toys smothering your home to getting sucked into kids sports where you buy everything under the sun so your kid feels competitive with his team. Or wait until your kid gets addicted to the PS4 and starts charging Fortnite skins to your credit card! Yeah. That is a fun one.

Carpe diem sister. And if you have to seize the day in a pile of baby poo? Take a nap from it, wash and repeat. The days are long and the years are short. And if you need to flip the bird at the lady who shames you for feeling flustered? You have my permission.

Joey Fortman (Founder, RealityMoms)

Joey Fortman is the brains behind #RealityMoms. In 2008, after 20+ years in traditional media hosting radio shows around the country, Joey traded in the microphone for a diaper bag, struggling through her own personal crisis: unemployed, overweight and lost in the land of mommy bloggers. Little did Joey know, her traditional media background would pave the way for success at Real Mom Media. As a sought after media magnet, Joey has been featured nationally on Good Morning America, Dr. Phil, Anderson Cooper, the Katie Couric Show, Dr. Oz, Redbook, The Today Show, The Talk, Fox and Friends & The Newlywed Game. When not at the sports complex with one of her kids, on an island or a grocery store run, or on Facebook Live with #RealityMoms contributors, Joey is obsessed with adult coloring.

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