Can We Talk About Penises for a Sec?

Can we talk about penises for a sec? They are central to conversations: “Did you pee? Where does it hurt? Do we still have that powder? You have to wear pants. OK fine, you have to wear underwear. Yes, it is funny when you shake it like that. Don’t shake it like that at me. Yes, awesome that you can pee in an X when you stand together around the toilet. Yes, that is team-work. Is the seat down? It’s caught in WHAT? No, I did not know it could…

Read More

#RealityMoms Guide to Baby and Toddler Easter Baskets

Spring has sprung. It soon will be that time of year again where a mystical, humanized rabbit comes hopping down the magical bunny trail bringing treats to all the good little boys and girls of the world, or something like that. Parents everywhere are preparing to be “Bunny’s Helper” and fill little baskets with treats and fun for their little ones. This can be a difficult task for babies who are not yet old enough to do much at all or young toddlers who are too little to express their…

Read More

How Much Longer?

Being an adult and doing all-the-adulty-things can be really hard. Being a parent and doing all-the-parenty-things can also be really hard. When you combine these things with the challenges that exist when you have a toddler and a baby, tensions rise as quickly as patience falls. The result is inevitably an explosion of some kind. In our house, the verbal shrapnel after an explosion can be found strewn across the room and embedded into the plastic toys and books littering the floor. On a particularly hard week wherein the baby…

Read More

10 Reasons I Want to Punch the Bubble Guppies in the Throat

Let me start by saying that I hold no illusions about cartoons. I know they exist in alternate cartoon-universes and can bend all sorts of real world rules to do whatever they want to do. Because it’s not real life. That’s why Boots the Monkey can talk and SpongeBob Squarepants exists at all. Despite knowing this, however, I cannot seem to stop my brain from exploding or my eyes from crossing, each time Bubble Guppies gets played in my house. Bubble Guppies Universe, what is going ON in there? 1….

Read More

Mom’s Day Off

She leapt from the shower, cheeks flushed from excitement and warm water. “Why stop with clean hair?” she asked the woman grinning back at her in the hazy mirror. She reached for her mascara wand and brazenly plumped her eyelashes. “How long do you think you’ll be?” her husband’s voice fought its way through the closed door and steam. “There’s no telling, babe,” she answered, giddy at the prospect. “I’ve never been to this one before. It might take an hour, it might take all day.” She whispered again to…

Read More