Buy the Damn Bikini

This afternoon, I bought a bikini. Not a tankini. Not a cut out one piece, but an actual bikini.  A bikini. A bikini. Anyone who knows me well knows that decades (literally) of body loathing and low self-esteem and confidence have taken their toll, and I haven’t worn one since I was probably around 20 and deemed myself “acceptably thin enough” to pull it off. I haven’t bought a new suit since Q was a baby, so a full six years ago. And that was a one piece and a…

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Being a Soldier Changed Me

I had just turned seventeen years old when I joined the Canadian Armed Forces reserves. I left for my basic training two weeks after I graduated from high school. I spend seven weeks away from my family and friends, endured more “character building” than I had ever imagined possible, did things that I never thought that I could, and came home a different, more confident girl than I was when I left. During my first year of university, I spent every weekend commuting to my unit, which was an hours…

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I Felt Broken: I Needed Help

I felt defeated Completely, totally and utterly defeated. I felt like I had lost a war that I hadn’t even realized I was fighting, but looking back, I’d been engaged in for a long time. I’m not quite sure when it started. Actually, scrap that, I probably do know when it started, or at least when people seem to think it should have started. Over three and a half years ago, I hurt my hand. It seemed not so bad at first, a broken or sprained thumb maybe, but something…

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One Child is not a Selfish Choice

Why do we feel obligated to explain our choices to other people? Is it that we fear or wonder if we are being secretly (or not so secretly) judged? Are we looking for validation for the choices we’ve made? Or do we just not want to feel alone? Take, for instance, the choice to have only one child. Heaven knows, I have been questioned and lectured to and judged for this choice, but why? And why do I always feel the need to have to explain myself, as though I…

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