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Babies Provide a Horrible ROI

There’s a business and accounting acronym that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately—ROI (or Return on Investment). I’m a trained accountant, you see. Which is not the same as a practicing accountant. That is a good example of a bad ROI, actually—my going through all that accounting training while never collecting any of the accountant-as-profession benefits that should come with it. An example of good ROI is your sticking around for the rest of this essay. And not just because I’m going to better explain Return on Investment so…

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5 Reasons Whole Foods is a Mom’s Best Friend

Remember spending a whole day at the mall popping in and out of stores? Dreaming of attending the sort of event that would warrant buying that leopard print wrap dress you eye-humped in the store window before a sales girl shooed you away? But then you went and had kids. Now that dream is about as attainable as a rump-sculpting cheesecake. If you’re like me, the closest you come to retail therapy is a weekly grocery run. Heck, my trips to Whole Foods border on religious experiences. I’ll admit it….

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Mom’s Day Off

She leapt from the shower, cheeks flushed from excitement and warm water. “Why stop with clean hair?” she asked the woman grinning back at her in the hazy mirror. She reached for her mascara wand and brazenly plumped her eyelashes. “How long do you think you’ll be?” her husband’s voice fought its way through the closed door and steam. “There’s no telling, babe,” she answered, giddy at the prospect. “I’ve never been to this one before. It might take an hour, it might take all day.” She whispered again to…

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The Luxury Of Not Giving A Damn

In my relatively firm 20s, I wasn’t one to spend hours at the gym and then stare at my naked body in the mirror looking for “problem areas.” Not that I don’t have them. I’ve always had a bit of a Buddha belly, thick thighs, wobbly upper arms. For as long as I can remember, my breasts have been asymmetrical and pendulous. Never would my general physique have been described as fit, nor lithe, and certainly not bangin’. I’ve never had an amazing body nor a stunning face. Thanks to…

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